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note to self

by Katie Martucci

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1.
sugarcoat 04:19
Was I wrong Or did I do right Bringing up another thing that’s sure to make us cry In these hard times There’s no shortage in supply Of stuff to keep us up at night But I couldn’t let it sit there In the silence that you made As you took your time looking for the perfect word or phrase I don’t need your poetry I don’t want a sugarcoat I just want the words caught in your throat I don’t always wanna be the one who’s asking what is wrong babe Tell me did you think that you were doing us a favor keeping Everything inside Let it out babe show your shadows to the light I will see what I don’t hear My imagination will confirm my wildest fears I might toss and turn all night Wondering if you are alright It doesn’t matter that you’re right here Cause I know this feeling Baby I’ve been here before If it wasn’t you then it was someone else who I adored Who tried to hide Covered pain up with a smile Insisted everything was fine I don’t always wanna be the one who’s asking what is wrong babe Tell me did you think that you were doing us a favor keeping Everything inside Let it out babe show your shadows to the light
2.
seize 03:13
Haven’t felt the urge to take my pill Though it may be the bullet that saves Think I’ll wait another day And with that in mind I walk into the night Leaving my doubts behind Cause I feel fine So I must be fine You see there’s nothing wrong with one more sip Pass it here I can take a hit There’s nothing wrong with one more sip Pass it here I can take a hit Baby do you know how wrong you are Maybe I should have knownI was stumbling tumbling down Too many hits from that bottle Trouble was all around But I could not see and I could not believe This would make me seize Not see and I would not believe Anything could make me seize Singing nothing wrong with one more sip Pass it here I can take a hit There’s nothing wrong with one more sip Pass it here I can take a hit This doesn’t end in a headache and tylenol This ends in a hospital You see there’s nothing subtle about the way I fall You’ll know and you’ll seeI can move my hands I can tell you my name I can look at the stars Point to the east Dance into your arms Let me live my life, let me live my full Cause I feel fine, I feel fine, I feel fine, I feel fine...
3.
ask me again 03:58
How are you doing? Ask me again This time I’ll tell you Won’t say fine with a grin Give me a second, and I’ll let you in Can’t promise pretty I can’t promise easy All I have is a feeling A weight inside me screaming it might not get better Can you hold that, baby? Can you hold that, hold me? Let’s make it better I weigh the words And I feel their edges See them rise up Turn into fence Maybe I don’t make much sense Maybe this should live inside my head Baby what’s the use What’s the use in keeping quiet Let your voice come alive Lay your worries down by my side Can you do that, baby? Can you do that Can you do that, baby? Do it for me Let’s make it better Let’s make it better
4.
note to self 03:51
I wake up early Make my coffee slow Pour my morning in a cup When I drink I know I know that I’ve been living In a lie of your design Three years in I see the cracks And I know I don’t need I don’t need you Keeping me in line I don’t want you making up my mind Step by step I am walking making my own path Leaving you behind What did I miss Locked inside your gaze Stuck atop a pedestal Scared to move or make mistakes You had me feeling so alone Blind and deaf to anyone Telling me I did not need I didn’t need you Keeping me in line didn’t want you making up my mind Step by step I am walking making my own path Leaving you behind You will never be enough you will always be too much (Don’t listen) Don’t sit and take it Days go by Without a trace of you And in the space you leave behind I can tend my garden I can finally say Without a shadow of a doubt That when you come around again Won’t mistake you for a friend So come in close and listen Cause I want you to know I don’t need you Keeping me in line I don’t want you making up my mind Step by step I am walking making my own path Leaving you behind
5.
poplar 03:11
You and me Standing under poplar trees Over roots that take us down To what we lost and what could still be found So take my hand And ask if I remember when Your visits in the summertime Could stretch a day out along the line We could sing our favorite song a dozen times Living inside of the familiar rhyme Loving the sound of your voice with mine In you I found a home Last night a dream You were living overseas Cut off by an ocean blue And nothing I could say was reaching you So when I wake I listen closely when you say “Come and take a walk with me Come and talk underneath the trees” We could sing our favorite song a dozen times Living inside of the familiar rhyme Loving the sound of your voice with mine You know I’ve missed you so Don’t waste time All my life you’ve been by my side Can’t lose you now we’re 25 Over and over I will remind you how I love you so
6.
This is not a love song Babe I’m not singing for you Ain’t gonna cry your name in vain Not when my whole world Has got to change Now I sing for me Sing for my mother Sing for my sisters near and far When I sing this song I sing for better days Will you sing this song? And we’ll make a better day

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released December 2, 2022

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Katie Martucci New York

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